Blog
How I Became A Stay At Home Mom
First, some background…
Growing up, I was never one to dwell on getting married and having kids in the future. Quite frankly, I never considered it at all. I wasn’t against it, I just never took the time of day to dream about what my wedding would look like, or how many kids I would have or what the man of my dreams might look like. I definitely didn’t think about being a stay at home mom. Probably, the furthest I ever got with it was a game of M.A.S.H. It just wasn’t at the forefront of my mind! I loved school and traveling and was mostly focused on academics and my next adventure.
Insert, my husband. He was a fluke, actually. I went to a tailgate I wasn’t supposed to be able to go to. Something happened at work and one of my coworkers needed to switch a shift for one reason or another, so I did. Our mutual friend previously told him about me but didn’t tell me about him until the last minute. I hated being set up but she just said, “Hey, go sit by him.” And, I did. And the rest is history! Fast forward 12 years and we’re married with two kids.
If you don’t know me that well, this sounds “normal”. They meet, they wed, they reproduce. Basic stuff, right? Not for me. Even my grandma would say, “I just can’t believe Laura is a mom!” But I can’t either! I didn’t date much, I never babysat and never really wanted to hold friend’s babies or play with their kids and I was always pretty open about not caring one way or another if I had kids myself. I was awkward with them, really. But once I met my husband, that all changed. I actually sat down and thought about it for the first time in my life and I could see that life with him. Now we have our two kids and I can’t imagine life without them. I’ve never loved anything like I love them, it’s crazy.
When we had our daughter, I was working full time. My mom told us previously, “Hey, if you want someone to watch your kids while you work, then you should move back here.” And, eventually, we did! We were so incredibly lucky to have my mom so willing to watch our kids because we both had to work. We never imagined a life without us both working and having someone we knew and trusted to watch them was a huge relief.
After my first maternity leave, I went back to work five minutes from my parent’s house. Right before I went on leave I was able to move locations so I could be close. I was even able to go spend my lunch breaks with them! My company only offered 8 weeks paid maternity leave and although that didn’t seem like much time, I was eventually able to get back in the swing of things and establish a decent routine.
Fast forward two years and we had our son. I was the least happy I’d ever been in my job and was already looking for a change before I went on maternity leave the second time. I loved my employees but I didn’t love the job anymore and that hurt. When a few opportunities didn’t work out, I was so upset. I could feel a change coming and just knew it was these missed opportunities! When I had my son, I took the full 16 weeks off to be with the kids and those 4 months changed my life.
Suddenly, I realized everything I was missing. My daughter was 2 and was growing up so fast! And because I worked so close to them, I had it way better than most working moms. My mom kept me constantly in the loop when she watched them and would send pictures and videos of everything. Being able to take my lunches at her house allowed me to witness all their “firsts” and spend time most working moms wouldn’t get with their kids during the day. But, it still wasn’t enough. When my 16 weeks came to an end, I was devastated. I did not want to leave my babies and especially not to go to a job I didn’t love anymore. My coworkers were the only reason I kept showing up with the same drive every day.
First, I never imagined myself as a mom. Then, once I had kids, I never imagined myself as a stay at home mom. I knew I had to work and just never imagined it another way. But, also, I liked to work. My mom stayed at home while I was growing up, though, so I knew the value of a having a stay at home parent. Knowing I couldn’t watch them full time, I felt the second best thing was my mom keeping them. Anytime the mom guilt crept in or I missed something important, I would tell myself there was nothing I could do about it.
At this point, going to work every day got harder and harder. I never really talked about these feelings with anyone. Probably because I didn’t want to admit them out loud for fear they would be too overwhelming! I’m a firm believer that if you’re unhappy with something or someone, do something about it or don’t complain. Only if you’re doing something to improve or change your circumstance are you allowed to complain. (My husband just loves this mantra…haha!) Once you’ve done everything in your power to change it and can’t, you just need to come to terms with where you are and keep an eye out for another avenue of change. And this was where I was. So, when I went back to work after my second maternity leave I just tried to put on a smile and deal with it.
I kept my eyes and ears open for jobs/positions or other opportunities, I prayed, I tried to find ways to renew my love for my job. And then, I got the call. My husband called me saying someone reached out to him about an amazing job. It sounded too good to be true! He went through the whole process and it was as good as it sounded. The only thing was, we would have to move. We’d made a deal before that if we ever did move it would have to be for a huge opportunity. No way would we leave a place my mom watched our kids unless I was able to watch them myself. This job would allow me to do that!
It was exactly what we needed and wanted, but this has been huge adjustment for me. I walked away from my job and haven’t once missed it or looked back, but it has been 8 months and I’m still adjusting. However, I am LOVING it. I never thought I would be a stay at home mom, let alone love doing it. Being able to be with the kids every day and experience life through their eyes is incredible! I am truly reliving my childhood and I don’t know if the kids or I am having more fun. Working those first couple years we had the kids and missing out has definitely made me more appreciative of the time I now have with them.
The reason I’ve created this blog is to share all the things I learn and all the things we do while on this journey. Transitioning from such a structured environment as a very organized person is a challenge. Being around kids all day is a challenge. Moving to a new house and having to do everything you just did to your previous house now to this house is a challenge. Moving to a new town and trying to meet new people is a challenge. But it’s all FUN, too. I could go on and on! Nothing has been easy about this transition but I love it and I can feel this is where we are supposed to be.
During this transition, it has been helpful to talk to other moms in a similar situation. It made me realize I’m not the only one going through this phase of motherhood and that everything I’m feeling and experiencing is normal. I am hoping that by sharing my experiences, the good, the fun, the bad and the ugly of motherhood and life, that it will help at least one other person in a similar situation feel just a fraction less overwhelmed than they do now. You are not alone in this crazy journey!
Being a mom is hard whether you work full time or stay at home and each comes with their own challenges. We wear SO many hats every day which, no doubt, will be reflected throughout my blog as I will cover many topics. So, follow along as I learn to navigate this new role in motherhood and you might learn something too!