My Emotional Attachment: The “Tractor”
Well…I never thought I would say this, but I am emotionally attached to a tractor. If you know me at all, in general, you know I am not a very emotional person. For me to be emotionally attached to anything is pretty comical. And you know, it’s actually not even a tractor…it’s just a really nice lawn mower that we have always called “the tractor”. When we moved into our old house, we had a pretty large yard. Half of the yard was a slope, some of which was pretty steep. Turf is my husband’s life so, naturally, he got a pretty sweet mower.
But this isn’t just a mower. It is so much more! Yeah, it can mow, haul and do all the things that a mower does. (Ha! I know my husband is cringing at my description of what a mower does.) But there are so many memories wrapped up in this tractor. My kids LOVE this tractor. Any time they hear it turned on they know it’s their dad and they always want to go out on it with him. It’s a climbing gym to climb on and sit in the really cool chair. It’s a Photo Booth for me to capture all their excitement. It’s joy rides on the street, around the yard or down to the fire pit to roast some hot dogs and marshmallows. It’s helping their dad doing yard work and exploring nature. It was loved it so much that for the next two years my daughter got different levels of her own tractors; a sit and scoot and then the real deal. We had our own fleet! Once we had Griffin, he took over the sit and scoot and just recently mastered the little motorized tractor.
And then we moved.
We still used it, but not like we did and we didn’t need that kind of mower anymore. We have a bigger “yard” but being on the mountain a good majority of it is wooded. So…we decided we had to sell it. We told Loralei and Griffin we were going to have to say goodbye to it soon. Griffin doesn’t understand yet but Loralei wasn’t happy about it. Although we decided we needed to sell, we didn’t immediately list it. At this point we had all gotten so attached to this inanimate object that we just couldn’t do it yet. But then one day we just did it. It didn’t sell super fast and I think secretly we hoped it wouldn’t so we’d have to keep it.
We had several people show interest but each time it never panned out. Then, this past weekend, one of the buyers circled back. He was going to be in the area and wanted to check it out. He came by while the kids were napping and while he was here decided he wanted to buy it!
Good news, right?! Ugh. It should’ve been. But we were not emotionally prepared for it to be gone that minute, that day. The kids didn’t get to say goodbye or have one last ride around. I didn’t get to take a picture of our fleet with my husband and kids on their tractors. And my husband loved that thing, his pride and joy. I was devastated. No, I didn’t cry but I totally could have. Why am I so attached to a tractor? Is this normal?!
Whatever. I don’t care if it’s normal. That was a great tractor and we made so many awesome memories with it. Griffin just today noticed it was gone. My husband took him in the garage to get something and he pointed where it had been sitting. He said his version of “tractor” several times like he was asking, “Where is the tractor?” Loralei hasn’t noticed it just yet, but she will. She’s very sensitive but also can be pretty reasonable. So her reaction will either be pretty upset or just completely shrug it off. It’s a toss up!
I say all this to say, it’s okay to be sentimental sometimes. I really do have to remind myself of this. We will find so many other things to make memories with but we’re making those memories all together and that’s what’s really important. It does feel a little like an end of an era, though. But isn’t this the definition of parenthood? Kids move from stage to stage without you really knowing they have moved, until one day you do notice. It is sad to think they’re past a stage like feedings, or rocking them to sleep at night and not knowing that that one feeding or that one night rocking your child to sleep was the last time you would do that. It’s almost like we mourn that phase, even if it was a hard one, because that just means they are on their way to growing up. But it’s also exciting because this means they are doing something different and entering a new phase. I have realized since having kids that it’s normal to feel happy AND sad and many more emotions at the same time about things…A LOT. So make sure to really treasure those little moments because they are so special and fleeting! And what are the kids saying these days? Feel all the feels? Do it. It’s ok to be an emotional wreck sometimes.