All Aboard The Emotional Roller Coaster

You know what? This past weekend was weird. We had such a fun weekend packed full of activities but, at the same time, it sucked. We picked wildflowers, celebrated with yummy sweets, crafted, went to church, played, etc. but I also spent a lot of my time keeping the peace and walking on eggshells with my kids. 

One of the kids is in full blown threenager mode and the other is in a stage 5 clinger phase. My husband came home from work on Saturday and after the kids were down for a nap I drove to Target (keep in mind the closest is an hour away…ha!) just to walk around and feel “normal” without anyone saying my name or pulling on my shirt or needing me or throwing a tantrum. Of course, all I did was buy stuff for the kids because that’s what invades my mind even when they’re not with me, am I right?!

I’ve been trying to do a better job of giving myself a break when I start reaching a certain level of frustration with the kids. They’re learning, I’m to teach them and knowing that patience is not my strong suit means I need to admit when I need a break and take it. When I was working, I always told my employees that we are obviously human and sometimes certain situations, in our case, customers, can push us to our limit. If this happened, I told them to let someone know they needed to step away for a minute to reset. This is something I’ve been trying to implement for myself now that I am at home. This “reset time” can help me cool off so I don’t escalate any potential tantrum or situation. Instead, I can mediate and keep a level head the next time one inevitably comes around. I also need to show my kids patience and understanding (easier said than done) and help them work through whatever the problem/situation might be. 

Let me say that my husband is all for me taking breaks and encourages me to take them. I’m the one who struggles to step away and will usually talk myself out of taking one with one excuse or another. I honestly sometimes just wish I were able to take a break in a room somewhere at home, but it’s like the kids can find me anywhere! Part of my struggle is I don’t really want to get out until I’m actually out. But if I am in the house, the kids only want me. My husband tries so hard but they just will not let him do anything right now without a fight. If I’m not there, they are usually angels and have the best time. So if I leave, I get a break and he and the kids get to spend time together. Win, win. 

I realize that kids go through so many different stages as they learn and grow. Some great, some not so great. I also realize that every end to every phase just means they’re getting older and older so I try to really soak in the positive in both kinds of phases. For my threenager, where her attitude and talking back are extremely frustrating (wonder where she gets that from….ugh), she is also learning independence and that she has a voice and a say. I have to help her understand her feelings and teach her how to communicate these to others instead of just using mean words and actions in a reaction to a feeling. This is extremely difficult for someone like myself who is not too keen on talking about my own feelings. The positive is that she’s learning independence and is strong willed and in our world today, she will need that. 

For my stage 5 clinger, it is extremely exhausting and overstimulating to be constantly needed, to be pulled on, slobbered on, snotted on, and to only have the use of one arm to do everything because I’m constantly holding him. But I revel in his snuggles and the knowing that soon, he won’t want me to hold him and cuddle him or rock him to sleep. 

We don’t have to enjoy every phase or moment to be a good parent. Some truly just suck. But I think it’s important we hold on to the positives in the hard stages to help get us through in a more graceful manner. So that’s what I’m trying to do. 

One of my brothers recently said to me that there are two different kinds of fun. Fun 1: The fun where you are actually having fun and enjoying the moment. Fun 2: Where you’re not enjoying the moment because it’s insanity (most everything with young kids) and then later you look back and think, that was really fun. 

We are definitely in a Fun 2 zone most of the time right now. The kids love it in the moment and that’s what matters but man, it’s exhausting. These hard phases come with so many emotions for the kids and the parents and there are constant ups and downs in just one day or one hour. Let’s be real…sometimes in just a few minutes. There are times at the end of the day when I sit down and feel as if I have been on a literal roller coaster and am so spent emotionally from all the ups and downs. But it’s all so worth it. And it really is fun. Fun 2 type fun, but fun. 

If you’re in the Fun 2 zone right now, I’m right there with you. I get it. Just be sure that at the end of the day you do reflect back so you can recognize the fun that was had, even if you didn’t feel it in the moment. I find it nice to ask my kids after a day is done if they had fun and find out what they enjoyed most. It’s a good reminder to them of the positive in the day, but also a reminder to me that all the things I do for them and plan for them they do usually enjoy. 

Only you can choose for yourself which things to remember about the day, the positive or the negative. Don’t remember the tantrum that was thrown, instead remember how you helped them move past what was causing the tantrum and use their response to build upon for the next time. Choose the negative and you set yourself up for failure. Choose the positive and you set yourself up for growth. 

Parenting is hard. Don’t forget to give yourself a break here and there. You deserve it! I did this weekend and will try and continue doing so more regularly. Taking a break is not selfish. Taking a break allows us so many things like doing something for ourselves, not feeling needed, time away to be excited about going back home and appreciate the time with our families. For me, it gave me the time to reset my mindset by removing myself from the situation to calm down and really think about what I was frustrated about. I was able to look at the situation more objectively and know how to better move forward with my kids. I believe doing this more often is going to make me a better version of myself and allow me a clear mind so I am able to tackle the difficult moments, days and phases while not hopping on the emotional roller coaster quite so often. I am looking forward to it!